badassbutterfly | 009 | [Action/Voice]

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009 | [Action/Voice]

[ Well.

Talk about your awkward mornings. It's not exactly the best realization to wake up to, the fact that the past week of generally being in love was due to outside influence- that's something that hurts when you know it, digs in and wants to stay there- but Chouji will not let it stop him from being Chouji. Meaning he will get out of bed and eat and take a walk, like all those normal things he tends to do.

It's painful, but he doesn't really regret it; the only thing he'd regret would be if Katara got hurt because of it. That's pretty much one of his top concerns of the day, actually, and the result? He won't do what a tiny part of his mind is suggesting and hide in the apartment for a few weeks. She doesn't deserve to be ignored: so he won't ignore her. ]

[Filtered to Katara // 70%]
... How are you?

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[Dubs this the song for the upcoming thread.

When Katara answers, her voice is raw as if she'd been crying, and she doesn't bother to up his filter.]

...oh, Chouji. [This sucks so much. She takes a deep breath, the parallel painfully ironic.] ...I guess - the bridge?

[Because she needs to talk to him... and she hopes that he won't say no.]

[ damn your song

Ah. She sounds not quite at her best- which he really can't blame her for. For a really brief second, he'll consider asking if she's sure it's okay, but well. She wouldn't ask if she couldn't handle it.

And he's still not about to say no . ]

I'll be there.

Meet you in about a half hour.

[She wants to wash her face and have something to drink - her stomach hurts too much for breakfast - and make it seem a little less like she was hurting, if she can.

But about a half hour later, there she'll be there and stop abruptly, painfully short of just running over to him and hugging him, and letting that make it all right.

Because it's not. It's not all right. And it was never really like that with them before. Her voice will still sound a bit hesitant and strained, and she's stopped several awkward feet away.]

Hey.

[ Between the two of them and their efforts, they might make for a single less-than-hurting person.

...it occurs to him that he has no idea how to handle this, really. If it's even the kind of thing that can be handled. The best he's got is a smile that very likely indicates as much. Still totally going to be trying, though. ]

Hi.

[Right. Deep breath, Katara. You can do this. She takes a half-step closer to him.]

So... it changed for you too, this morning?

[She can do this, but it hurts and - oh, she's not sure if she wants to hear a yes or a no, because she'd really, really liked being in love with him, and if he still felt the same way...

...she'd have to tell him the truth, because he deserved that.

And she really doesn't want to hurt him. So even though she's feeling so confused about how she feels right now, she really hopes that for him, at least, it's a clear-cut change.]

[ This hurts. He never really thought he'd have to worry about something like his own emotions not being his- the malnosso messed with heads, had no problems playing scientist and lab rat, but anything else seemed a bit unreal. Not to mention pulling another person into that mess.

People sometimes told him he was too optimistic. ]

...yeah, I think so.

[Katara closes her eyes in relief. At least - she's not hurting him, then.]

Okay.

[A breath, and then she opens her eyes and takes a step closer. She wants to reach out and touch him, because there would be just something so reassuring in a touch - I'm still here, you're still here, I still care for you - but she doesn't want it to communicate too much.]

When I woke up this morning, I remembered... they'd done the same thing last year. If you look in the journals, you'll see, people were even talking about it. They just made us all forget.

[A pause, and then - something else freely offered, evidence, perhaps, that she is not trying to go back to the level of trust they had before this.]

It was my first experiment.

[ Chouji nods slowly, most definitely facing her direction but not taking any steps forward himself. It's only fair to leave this much up to her, isn't it?

He's fine with waiting; the least he can do is try to make sure Katara's as comfortable as she can be after all that. ]

Hard to think of a rougher way to get introduced to Luceti.

[She shrugs, not really wanting to get into that, but... appreciating his understanding all the same.]

The guy I was with... [Why is saying this suddenly so much harder than she thought? It's not like there was any reason this would upset Chouji... right?] ...I really hated him at the time. You remember, I told you about him - Zuko? We were from different points in our world's timeline, and even though he'd done a lot to make up for what he did in the past... I hadn't experienced it yet.

[Babbling, Katara. Stop babbling. Get to the point.] Anyway, it... ended really badly. When I woke up, I was so upset, I had to run away, and when I came back to face him - he was gone.

[She takes another step towards him.] So I guess what I'm trying to say is - this has already been way better than last time. You're a really amazing guy, Chouji. If this had to happen with anyone, I'm glad it was with you.

[ ...he was just gone? Don't mind the little frown at that; it's just that that isn't fair at all. But he won't say anything, because interrupting is not the way about these things.

Chouji listens through the rest of this so-called babbling (which, for the record, he doesn't consider babbling; he's teammates with Ino and doesn't consider anything she talks about to be babbling. It takes a lot to get to that point), and when it reaches an end he most definitely has a smile to offer. ]

I'm glad it was with you, too. [ Because not everyone could be as nice about this as Katara, he knows that much. ]

[That makes Katara blush. And she takes another step closer, finally closing the distance between them to a normal, comfortable talking range, squaring her shoulders defiantly.]

I'm not sorry about anything that I said or anything that we did [the blush flares a bit hotter there, but she doesn't look away.] I'm glad that we had a chance to get to know each other better. I'm just sorry that it wasn't real.

[...and she's sorry that her feelings are still a little mixed up and raw, and that what she has to say next is going to suck.]

[ Honesty inspires honesty, Katara. ~~much as blushing inspires a little bit of blushing, fff~~

It's not to say he had any lies lined up or anything- Chouji just came to this particular meeting prepared to listen and leave when she was finished. No need for anyone to see anyone hurting, no need for him to talk and maybe accidentally mess everything up while it's already looking kind of messed up. But, aah. That's not the same as being straightforward. Which she deserves. ]

Well, at least getting to know each other was real. I'm really glad for that, too, because I think you're a great person to know. [ Whether it's in a romantic sense or platonic, like it is right now. ] ... I know we don't feel the same way today that we did yesterday, but that doesn't mean that I'm not still Chouji and you're not still Katara. And I hope that's enough to mean we can still be friends.

[ He really, really hopes. She's one of the nicest people he's met since he got here (and no matter how it turns out, he'd have regretted not saying that much). ]

Of course we can still be friends! [Katara takes one half-step closer, and the distance between them is now no longer painfully awkward or friendly and casual, but almost intimate.]

It's just - the thing is... [My heart feels empty without you in it.] I'm all mixed up. I don't know what I feel anymore. I don't know if it's me or if it's leftover from the experiment or if it's just... [oh the awkward painful and vulnerable admission] that it showed me the possibility, but... I think we - I - need some space. I don't want to take advantage of your friendship [lean on you like I would have when we were together] and I don't want to try to feel any more or any less than what I do feel.

But I think in order to sort that out, I'll need time. [She shakes her head, looks away.] A few weeks, maybe.

[...yeah, that hurt exactly as much as she thought it would. Ow.]

...

[ Ah.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought she'd ask for that- or if he said that it didn't make sense, since it really does. This is where he is careful to keep his expression more or less the same (at the very least, doesn't let it fall) because as much as it stings on his part, it has to be worse for the person saying it. ]

I can understand that. [ He considers putting a hand on her shoulder, but there's that "don't accidentally screw up" thing again and risks do not become him. ] Take as long as you need, okay?

[She closes her eyes for a moment and sighs.] Thanks, Chouji.

[And then... that's it? She's just supposed to walk away now and let that be - it?]

[...that hurts.

She doesn't want this to be it. She doesn't want to just turn and walk away.]

Okay, but... before I go... [There are a thousand butterflies with razor sharp wings beating in her chest, and she's not sure if it's the right thing to do and the worst thing is that she knows he won't get mad at her either way, but she doesn't want to hurt him.

...her face flares red.] I just...

[A hug would be better. She can do a hug.

And she steps closer to do just that, though she finishes her sentence in a whisper.]

...I want us to have something that's real.

[ People who hug Chouji are always hugged back. It's practically a law.

And Katara, you're braver than any number of ninja who like to pretend they don't have any emotions at all, and he's sorry that things wound up being painful.

And he still thinks he's lucky to know you. ]

I wouldn't worry too much about that. [ Because he is ever an optimist, and they'll be fine sooner or later. ]

[She closes her eyes and buries her face in his chest, trying very hard not to cry. He didn't deserve to see that, it would make him upset and she really, really doesn't want that.

And part of her just wants to stay right here.

But she knows that she can't. Her voice is muffled, out of refusing to move her head.] Okay.

[Deep breath] Okay.

[But before she pulls back, she pulls up, bracing her hands on his chest for leverage as she stands on her tiptoes to give him a kiss right on the swirled pattern of his cheek.]

Later, Chouji.

[And she will be breaking away to make her escape now, if he doesn't stop her.]

[After you get back from your meeting with Katara, Chouji, Shikamaru will be waiting for you on a bench in front of their building.

He has potato chips.]

[ Best friend AND chips?

More than happy to join you here, bro. ]

[Shikamaru opens it, taking two chips for himself before offering Chouji the whole bag.]

It go okay?

[Read: Are you taking it all right?]

[ He will just think while he chews for a little while there. Very good question. It was awkward, complicated, confusing, and all-around painful to get sorted out. ]

... I think it'll be all right. She asked for space. [ It's a simple operating system. Fueled mostly by hoping for the best and being Chouji. ] So, you know. I'm giving her space.

[ The overall translation: It could be worse. ]

Ino always acted like that was a death sentence back home. Always figured she was just being dramatic.

[Though maybe not overly dramatic.]

She wouldn't be Ino if she weren't. [ One of the many aspects of her that he's ~~learned to be~~ fond of. ]

Point. Proved her wrong on that one, then?

[He shifts his attention back to Chouji, checking his body language. He has no doubt that the situation between his best friend and Katara is probably a better one than what most of the villager's have to deal with.

Just because it's better doesn't mean it isn't still hard, however.]

[ All scans should indicate relative calmness, though there's still a bit of a slump in there.

So it wasn't real. He can accept that- it's a little bit difficult, but dwelling on that won't change anything. He can grudgingly accept his emotions being manipulated, because he doesn't regret anything that happened, either. And he understands why she wants space, and it really is a good idea because he's not had quite as clean a cut-off as he let on when they met up earlier.

It's just a matter of 'what if she decides permanent space is a better idea?' and trying to muddle through things, which he doesn't look forward to.

... But he's not the only one with things to worry about, either. So he'll manage. ]

I think so. [ Hope so. ]

Edited 2011-02-26 18:17 (UTC)

[Shikamaru determines as much about how his friend is taking this from the short silence before his answer.

Maybe Chouji doesn't quite love Katara anymore, but it's obvious that he seems to like her more because of it. For someone who spent so much of his young life just wanting friends, the prospect of losing one because of this has to be hitting him hard right now. This has always been that one weak link in the optimism that Chouji wears so well.

But that means that things will probably be okay. Things might be awkward between them for a while, but he doesn't think Katara is the type of person who would throw that away over something so small.

So Shikamaru smiles; pats Chouji's shoulder and reaches down to pull out another bag of chips.] Barbecue?

[ Sometimes it's just eerie how well Shikamaru knows him. But he wouldn't have it any other way, because he has to explain a hell of a lot less than he would with anybody else. ] Thanks.

[ for chips and everything in general. liiiiittle pause, and then he has to ask because he has to ask. ]

How's Temari-san?

Probably all right, knowing her. [And the conversation they had during that fake relationship comes to mind - when they were at each other's throats and had to talk to Paprika. When she'd asked them to name one thing they admired about the other.

She's stronger than me.]

We didn't really talk.

[He's schooling his expressions, keeping his voice level - as if to say 'things are fine; this is nothing'. But there's such a thing as overcompensating; he's being too casual here, and Chouji's likely the only person in Luceti who'd be able to recognize that.]

[ Ahh, so they're avoiding each other (or he's avoiding her). While Chouji is of the opinion that just leaving things be won't be helpful in the long run, he's also not about to start preaching on it.

Shikamaru's bothered by it. But he's also smart enough to know what to do. If he wants to put it off for a little while, Chouji's not gonna press. ~~unless it would have gotten to being like, a week.~~ ]

Right.

[ Offering chips, bro. This entire business really is troublesome. ]

[~~I-It might have, if it hadn't been for the draft.~~

Shikamaru takes a small handful with a sigh. Let's change the subject.] What we need is some hills around here.

Yeah, definitely. Cloud-watching isn't really the same without them. [ We may have to invest in creating our own hills 8| ]

Tell me about it. It's troublesome to have to climb a tree every time I want to get a good look at them.

[...this plan has merit.]

[ Mountains and an ocean, but not a good hill in sight. ]

Or to go up to the roof.

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009 | [Action/Voice]

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[ action because I told you we'd have brotimes 8|b ]

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[ action ] this is the stuff they need first-generation Team 10 for.

[ action ] Just imagine what Ino would do with this situation

[ action ] It would be horrifying.

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[ action ] this'll be the first thing they complain to Ino about if she ever turns up, won't it